7 Year Old Wants to Know Where Babies Come From

Parenthood was once idea to be inevitable — a destiny — for healthy fertile adults.

No more. Many people are opting out, a life choice that still provokes argue.

The number of babies born in the U.S. last twelvemonth vicious to the lowest level in 32 years, with younger women especially having fewer kids. Americans are at present having fewer children than it takes to replace the population, a tendency mirrored in other countries.

Information technology doesn't surprise Amy Blackstone, a sociology professor at the University of Maine and author of the new book, "Childfree past Option: The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence."

She and her husband Lance decided non to have children years ago afterward simply non feeling the pull towards parenthood. They check in with each other every year to brand sure they're still both on lath about opting out. Famous women who've also made the choice include Ina Garten, Cameron Diaz and Helen Mirren.

Amy and Lance Blackstone got married in 1995. For years when people asked her when she was going to have kids, she responded, "I'm not ready yet." But so she realized she just didn't want children. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

For her book, Blackstone interviewed seventy child-free men and women and surveyed more than 700 most their experiences. She establish women even so feel the brunt of the stigma.

"Men sort of get a pat on the back and at that place's more joking about, 'Aren't you lucky that you dodged this bullet?'" Blackstone, 47, told TODAY.

"Whereas for women, it's the, 'Oh, you poor thing, I can't believe you're missing out on the most meaningful experience that a woman can have. Yous must be so sad and solitary.'"

Here are viii more than of her findings:

ane. Many of the summit reasons for skipping parenthood are especially true for millennials

Blackstone: The cost of living and having a baby — we know that'south a particularly difficult issue for millennials who are facing all kinds of college debt. Certainly, having a child has an impact on the environs and I know that's a reason that millennials have shared for their choice.

Other top reasons include the want for autonomy, spontaneity, liberty and the power to travel.

2. Many child-free people want to focus on the relationships they already accept

Blackstone: This quote from a 44-year-erstwhile married woman resonated for me: "I worry that if I had a child I'd go a terrible partner because I'd exist and so focused on beingness a skillful parent."

This doesn't mean child-gratis people necessarily have perfect relationships or better relationships than parents. Only in my ain case, I practise recognize that I would be giving something upwardly in terms of my ability to experience close with my partner and nurture that relationship.

3. Information technology's not a 'selfish' choice

Blackstone: In 2015, Pope Francis said, "The choice to not have children is selfish."

If we're going to put that label on the child-free, then it's a label that needs to be shared across any group of people who've made a choice about the life that they know is right for them.

But isn't that what we're all doing? Even parents, if you inquire them why they had children, would tell you that they wanted kids because that's the life that they envisioned for themselves.

Alternatively, we can choose to abandon the "selfish" label and decide it'southward OK for people to make a life choice that is best for them, whether that be parenthood or not-parenthood. Perhaps neither option is selfish.

There'south an impression that child-free people don't give back, or aren't giving to their communities or making a departure in the world. Bluntly, nothing could exist farther from the truth. We know from inquiry that the child-free are involved in their communities — they're near every bit probable as parents to volunteer.

four. Many child-free people do like kids

Blackstone: A quarter of the child-free people I interviewed really chose careers that crave them to be involved and brand a difference in children's lives. Many of them are teachers, social workers, pediatricians. At that place are all kinds of ways the child-complimentary are engaged in kids' lives and made a choice to do that.

Some child-free people don't like children and in that case, the terminal thing nosotros want to practise is push them into becoming parents.

v. Child-free people don't accept regret down the route

Blackstone: I have not talked with anyone who feels regret about their choice.

I take had family members who I know have been worried for me, simply we should take when people tell usa they don't desire to accept children. Parenthood is a role that is best fulfilled when information technology's ane that'southward chosen. It takes a lot to be a good parent so if somebody doesn't feel that pull, that'south perfectly OK.

six. Child-free people are fulfilled and happy

Blackstone: When people say we are missing out on something, that'southward absolutely true. But I would as well turn it around and say it's possible that parents are missing out on some aspects of the lives that child-costless people enjoy. Nosotros can't do information technology all — it'southward impossible to accept every life experience.

So yes, we will miss some experiences, but I don't recollect that because that is true, that it necessarily follows nosotros're unhappy. I'm very happy with my decision. My husband and I accept a life that we dear.

The Blackstones scuba swoop in Roatan. "I dubiety I would have been capable of balancing motherhood with the sort of connectedness with my partner that I desire," Amy Blackstone writes in her new volume. Courtesy Amy Blackstone

seven. 'Who volition care for you in old age?' and 'Won't you exist lonely?' are questions for everyone

Blackstone: These are questions that we all should be thinking about equally we age, whether nosotros have children or not.

In terms of the child-free, many have been creating a nest egg to assist them be able to provide for themselves in their old age. And we're seeing more and more examples of "The Gold Girls"-style living where older adults are sharing households with each other.

It'due south a mistake to assume having children ways one volition have a person to intendance for them in their old historic period. Non every adult child cares for their aging parents, research shows.

8. A child-free household is a family

Blackstone: I would love it if we came to empathize that the child-complimentary accept families. I count my married man and me equally a family.

Child-costless families fulfill the same functions that families with children do. We create households as a rubber space that provides an emotional connection and an opportunity to recharge. We engage in "social reproduction," which involves anything that people practise to help rear the next generation. For the kid-free, that means beingness mentors and friends to children.

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Source: https://www.today.com/health/why-aren-t-millennials-having-kids-8-insights-child-free-t155804

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